Ending or Beginning?

It's funny how I've been agonizing about the direction of my life, but now that I feel I have made some sort of decisive action, I am once again doubting myself.

It's funny because a lot of my friends are going home in a few days, and the vast majority of them are excited. And it is resulting in the opposite reaction in me, I am feeling a giant tide of dread about eventually going home.

Maybe it's because my social network at home has fled the scene, I don't know. It's not that I dislike home, not at all actually---going abroad does also help me to appreciate what a special place I had the priviledge of growing up in. And I get along with my family, and look forward to seeing them. As well as my cat.

But there is something just terrifying. Like I don't want to stop exploring. And I know that going home doesn't mean that, but then again somehow it still feels like it. I wouldn't even start school in a year and still might go crazy and try to bartend in Greece or something for the summer.

Seeing all the new people arrive, with a whole year of adventures ahead of them makes me scared to end mine. Guess the thought of responsiblity and the "real world" is a bit overwhelming. But then again I know that I am really just sick of crap jobs, and am looking forward to having something fufilling and challenging eventually. Hope I can get excited about my future and not so freaked out. Maybe I just need something to stress about though.