Indecision 2009

I feel like (at least American) society puts an enormous pressure on us all to decide what we want "to be".

I mean even as kids we are constantly being asked about what we want to be when we grow up. To me, as kids, that's the last thing we should be thinking about.

For the longest time I wanted to be a vet (yeah I know, me and every other little girl in the world, how original I am), since I've always loved animals. But then I discovered that I hate blood as well as chemistry and physics.

To be honest that has been the most constant career idea that i've had to date. After that burst bubble, I have also thought about being a marine biologist, a teacher, a translator, a doctor, a firefighter, a park ranger (okay this one only jokingly)...but nothing has seemed to stick.

In highschool I didn't have a satisfactory answer and in college I still didn't have one (it is some sort of miracle I ended up being able to choose a major). My problem is I'm scared there isn't something I want to or will be happy doing forever---by choosing one thing I am also scared of all the doors that are closing because of it.

As of now, it seems more likely that I will get my PhD in Psychology and then try to do research and teach at a university or something of that sort.

I've been stressing out though, because I keep feeling like I'm running out of time. I feel this pressure to get on the career track and stop fussing around. Also the fact that I've chosen something that will take at minimum 3 years of schooling makes me nervous that I'll be 35 and still in grad school.

Part of me is impatient just to know and stop worrying about it. But the other larger part of me is just worrying.

I am stressing because I need more research experience but just realized how difficult it is to get a paid positions and lack the funds to volunteer full time (which is the type of position I would prefer).

I am also unsure about where I want to attend grad school (the u.s. or europe) and am worrying about application deadlines and how to find information about schools and just basically spazzing out.

But I am trying to follow Bridget's useful advice of just working on getting a research position and applying to grad school later if necessary.

Yet my eye keeps twitching...*sigh*...